November 23, 2018

I’ve been very disconnected from my emotions the last two days. I’ve been dancing a lot which is a distraction but I also don’t know how to feel.

There is a sort of apathy. Ah, of course. My energy gets killed from the weed. It’s a sedative either mentally or physically. I’m looking for a stimulant not sedative. Like if I were to go back on ADHD meds or something. Those things will be the death of me.

I love drugs, is the problem. Where does this dissociation come from?

One theory I had of schizophrenia was that the mind splits from some traumatic event.

I think of the row your boat song because that was the first ‘episode’ and sometimes I don’t know if that itself was a dream. So…sounds not good.

How does the relationship repair? I’ve been distracting myself with music. Or finding something else to do.

What do you want. He doesn’t seem to want anything. He’s bored too.

I don’t like writing presumptions about him because he thinks about himself enough to have something of substance to contribute. Or I’m worried I’ll be wrong.

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