The Internet scrambles my brain.

I bet it’s a frequency thing, but can’t be for sure. It leaves me disoriented even if I’m connected on it for less than an hour. You really begin to notice how intoxicating most things are when you remove them. Carbs, for instance, make me sweat profusely when I sleep, and I oversleep when I eat them.

I’ve been waking up at 3-4am everyday and it’s been really peaceful.

I am not sure any combination of medications will truly remove the magical and “disordered” thinking that I have. Granted, I will never try antipsychotics and I will never again go back to antidepressants. So it could be that either combination of these will “help.” Naturally, I don’t consider my way of thinking to be a pathology clinically, but more so that it is objectively just different from the norm.

Either way, maybe it’s okay to always believe God is talking to you, or that you can read minds, or that someone can read your mind. Because it makes life more interesting, for starters. And secondly, I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

If I had some sort of mathematical equivalent of a Jarvis. Or maybe if I could telepathically communicate with Terrence Tao. Nah, even more if I could communicate with the spirits of Noether, Hilbert and Riemann.

I’m reading French now, since it’s necessary to study Algebraic Geometry, just like reading German is necessary to study Differential Geometry. “Necessary…” if you want to make meaningful contribution. Not necessary if you want to paper-push trivialities. Anyone can post results proving a stupid theorem or conjecture about some properties of spaces or functions or how they behave. It’s no better than mathematical psychology. But if you want to revolutionize the field, or solve a better puzzle, you have to necessarily read the ideas in the native language of the people who progressed the field to the point we are now.

This is why language exams are necessary for a PhD, and this is why the credibility of a PhD diminishes if your candidates can’t read at least 3 foreign languages.

But who am I to judge, I can only read 4 foreign languages, and I haven’t passed quals yet. I wonder what school I’m going to.

I tried to get an engagement ring yesterday, so that I could pretend I was engaged. It was a fun fantasy for the two hours that I pursued it. Then I remembered no one wants to marry me.

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