You’re anxious because you don’t have control. All of the things around you, that bother you, you can do nothing about, and that digs at you. Think about it. You were born into this universe, you didn’t choose your parents, you didn’t choose your location, gender, ethnicity, even your abilities. None of that was chosen by you. And you have to navigate everyday in a system of choices that are placed upon you, confinements of sorts, because choosing is closing and closing is confinement, Heine-Borel proved that.

So you do anything to exercise control. This is what the bulimics, anorexics, the fasters, the discipline-obsessed and even the autistic have in common. Your eating disorder is a manifestation of your reaction to the fact that there are forces existing outside of yourself that you can’t control.

The best way to mitigate this anxiety, in the mind of the neurotic, is to control any and everything arbitrarily close. They control friendships by not having any. They control food by not eating it, or heavily restricting it. They punish themselves for believed pathology. It’s all about restriction, and after perceived restriction the mind of the neurotic is seemingly well-behaved.

Measure theory is an anxious discipline. And it wants control. And when it finally restricts to the structure it wants, it designates this collection complete.

Completeness is an interesting property in mathematics, and to me it’s always about some sort of closure. Coming to terms with things. Are you complete if you resign the fact that you can’t control anything at all? Or is completeness when you focus on the things you can control, and then control them.

I can’t control what I think, and barely what I say. I can’t control the fact that I think of him everyday, despite me wanting to think of anything else. And he broke up with me for reasons I still couldn’t control, and will never be able to. I don’t even control who loves me, or who wants to be with me. And it’s not like I would ever want to, but it’s a shit feeling knowing that you weren’t chosen, that you can’t control the outcome and there’s definitely no closure.

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