The math program at UW decided to combine Real and Complex analysis into one core sequence, which would make sense if they didn’t treat the subjects separately. Nothing really prepared me for abstract integration in complex analysis last quarter not because these subjects are disparate (quite the opposite, really) but because we are teaching out of two books, written by professors who are employed at the institution but whose books are insufficient to teach a core sequence in either of these subjects. I’m only on chapter 1 of Real and Complex Analysis, but this is at least, a book whose philosophy is that Analysis is Analysis and that the real and complex fields should not be treated so separately if one is to gain insight into either. So why don’t we teach out of this book? Especially since undergraduate analysis teaches Rudin’s Mathematical Analysis. Is it only because the professors here have written these books? Again, it’s egotistical madness.

Sure, we’re going in the right direction by recombining the subjects, but it’s still very far from ideal, and next year complex will be treated as a spring course, with its continuation as a topics course the following fall. This program is very backwards, and from what I see is not about producing research mathematicians at all.

This is a pretend institution. People pretend to care about mathematics, pretend to care about greatness… or maybe they don’t. I think I’m the one pretending. Pretending that I belong here. I keep reemphasizing this point because at one point I thought it was me that was being ostracized and such, but it’s actually the other way around. I don’t like working with the people here. I don’t like the way they think in general. Sure, I can converse with them, usually to clarify a definition or meaning – so referential – but not to do anything significant. I realized I was weak as a mathematician precisely because I avoided analysis. I’m overjoyed at the progress now, and can see nothing but positive results.

Anyway, the analysis here is shit. That’s basically what it boils down to. And since most students aren’t interested in analysis here, it’s very hard to find someone to work with on things that are interesting. And not just someone who decided they wanted to study “complex” analysis, so has no idea what real analysis is.

I am bitter in some ways, because I thought for a few years that I wasn’t good enough for this program, or that I was just a shit mathematician. No, I was sabotaging and defeating myself, and telling myself these stories. I don’t belong here, but not for the reasons I assigned previously.

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