Weekends were created by people who hate their jobs.

There’s a social aspect to being an academic, which I can’t seem to master, and is probably going to contribute to my demise. For men, or rather, for brilliant men, they can get away with ignoring the ass-kissing logistics, because their work speaks for themselves. I’m not that good, yet. And therefore I don’t have the credentials to ignore most people.

Women have this ability to smile when they don’t want to, and to be docile and accommodating, and even pleasant. I’ve always envied this about women, and felt insecure about the fact that I cannot do this myself, and even worse, I’m on some sort of middle-ground, where I’m not a man so I won’t be treated like one, but I don’t behave like an accommodating woman either, so I can’t really be treated that way either.

In most ways, I wouldn’t want to be. I don’t want expectations of me to be lowered, and I don’t want to be treated like I’m inferior. As it stands, I am inferior, because my exposure to analysis is so… non-existent.

It’s interesting when I look at these proofs, because there are patterns, abstractions of ideas we have already established and patterns that are being generalized. I can’t seem to get my head around this yet, but I’m working towards it. Like all these proofs with measurable functions, convergence of functions, uniform convergence, etc. They’re all saying the same thing! Just change some of the symbols but the ideas are fundamentally the same. Functions are sets! Functors are functions. Functors are sets, Sets are categories… it’s all arbitrary labelling of the same ideas.

So that’s what it is, I think in ideas, not symbols. This is a great ability, but needs to be refined.

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